Emotional Girls Should Wear Mood Rings
by vanillabean18
Summary: Sirius ruminates on girls and their emotions. Or one girl in particular...  Song-fic to  Relient K's Mood Rings.


_We all know the girls that I am talking aboutWell they are time bombs and they are tickingAnd the only question's when they'll blow upAnd they'll blow up; we know that without a doubtCause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls_

_That let their emotions get the best of them_

As much as he loved girls (and he did love them, that was certain), Sirius Black wished that they wouldn't be so emotional all the time. It was hard for a bloke to keep up. First they wanted you to be a bad boy, then they wanted you to be sweet, then they wanted you to kiss them, then they never wanted to see you again.

And if you did something wrong…. Merlin save you. Especially if you'd annoyed Evans. (*Cough* _James_ *Cough*)_And I've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow manLet's get emotional girls to all wear mood ringsSo we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked offCause we'll know just what they're thinkingJust what they're thinking..._

He wished. Marlene especially.

_She's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that wayHer mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every dayShe said to me that she's so happy it's depressingAnd all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring"_

Marlene was gorgeous. Her legs somehow looked as though they went all the way up to her chin, they were so long, even if that was entirely impossible. But she was almost worse than Evans. He never knew if she was going to be pleased or about to punch someone when she came down the stairs for breakfast. And it would be a heck of a lot easier to ask her out if she would be consistent with her moods._If it's drama you want then look no furtherThey're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our livesAnd it just kills me how they get away with murderThey'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize_

Like the other day at dinner. He'd tried to be charming, and she'd rubbed buttered toast into his hair. His _hair_. And then she apologized so sweetly, with her big brown eyes so pleading, that the only thing he'd been able to do was forgive her._And I've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow manLet's get emotional girls to all wear mood ringsSo we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked offCause we'll know just what they're thinkingJust what they're thinking..._

He would pay millions of Galleons for that. Just to know what she was thinking…._She's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that wayHer mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every dayShe said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothingAnd all I said was "Someone get that girl a mood ring"_

Clearly, girls were not to be bothered at exam time. He and James had tried to talk civilly to Marlene and Evans, and all they'd gotten for their trouble was Slytherin green skin and a warning to not come near them again, at least until exam time was over. The warning was from Alice Rivers, the only sane girl amongst them. Too bad Frank Longbottom was already in love with her. _Cause when it's black it means watch your back because you're probablyThe last person in the world right now she wants to seeAnd when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediatelyAnd ask her out because she'll most likely agreeAnd when it's green it simply means that she is really stressedAnd when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless _

_(And that's all right I must confess)_

She had been furious, for reasons he did not know, at breakfast and in Transfiguration. He didn't see her at break, but in Charms and at lunch she was perfectly willing to flirt with him. Then he had Divination and didn't see her, but in DADA she looked close to a breakdown. When he tried to comfort her she snapped at him and told him to "stow your ugly mug in an abandoned cupboard if you know what's good for you." And then in the common room after dinner she just sat and stared at the fire, and ignored everyone.

_We all know the girls that I am talking aboutShe liked you Wednesday but now it's Friday and she has to wash her hairAnd it just figures that we'll never figure them outFirst she's Jekyll and then she's Hyde...at least she makes a lovely pair_

Stupid, stupid girl.

But she was hot.

He decided there was no way to ever understand her.

_Mood ring, oh mood ringOh tell me will you bringThe key to unlock this mysteryOf girls and their emotionsPlay it back in slow motionSo I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind_

Sirius flopped on the couch beside Alice. She, at least, would not be sending a hex at him anytime soon.

He heard her giggle.

"What?" he asked irritably. Trying to keep up with Marlene's emotions had exhausted him.

"She likes you back," Alice replied simply. "That's why she's been so hot and cold lately. She doesn't think you like her too."

Sirius jumped up. "Thanks, Rivers," he said, and promptly ran over to Marlene's secluded corner, and snogged her senseless.

**I had the most curious urge to write a song-fic. Dunno how it ended up being Marlene/Sirius, but that's okay. It fit pretty well. Sirius is sixteen here, by the way.**


End file.
